“Life
is what happens to you, while your busy making other plans.” –John Lennon
My life has always operated on Plan B. Rarely do things go
as planned. This could be because I’m either
terrible at planning things, or because I try way too hard to impose my will on
the world, and I do not stop to recognize God may have something very different
planned…maybe even, something better.
Though I have been a Christian most of my life, and
I have been a church leader or pastor for most of my adult life, I will not
pretend I am “good Christian”. Like The
Apostle Paul, I would describe myself as a “Chief of Sinners”. I do my best to share the gospel with my
words and with the way I live my life, but I know I come up short, on a daily
basis. For some reason, God continues to
bless me. He continues to mold and make
me. His mercy is new every morning, and
I find peace in knowing that he is faithful to complete the good work he has
started in me.
In times like this, God typically helps me take
stock in my friends and family. Those He
has put around me to strengthen me, to heal me, to fight for me, to pray for
me, and to care for my family and I.
This is a time I need all of them, to do all of those things.
For the last year or more, I have been experiencing
some terribly intense migraines. I had
never previously had much experience with them, but now that I do, I have a new
found respect and sympathy for those who struggle with chronic migraines. After trying to be a tough guy, and fight it
with over the counter methods, and a lot of whining, I finally decided to ask a
professional for some help.
My primary care doctor who is just enough crotchety
old man and just enough foul mouthed genius to be my favorite kind of human,
sent me to get an MRI (This was the Thursday before Last). On Friday evening, I received a phone call
from that same old man. He told me they
had “found a spot” on my MRI and wanted me to go to the Emergency Room right
way to have it looked at. I pressed him
for more information, and he felt the need to startle me into going, right
away. He told me that I had what
appeared to be a tumor.
A tumor?...A
tumor? Like, a brain tumor? Like a Dick Howser, Dan Quisenberry or Buddy
Rich tumor? Like, the opposite of what Detective Kimball has?
My mind was having trouble really comprehending the possibilities of the
news I had just heard.
I told him, we were on our way. My wife and I freaked out a bit. We cried, and we prayed.
Upon arrival at The World Famous University of
Missouri-Columbia Emergency Room; a place where my brothers and I spent a great
deal of our childhood, for numerous sports injuries, as well as terrible ideas,
and a plethora of lost bets and triple-dog-dares, my wife was able to see
underneath my calm demeanor. Though I
had been very tranquil and only slightly concerned, she, a registered nurse and
Nursing Professor, was able to see that the vitals, my ER nurse was rendering,
did not match the exterior. My blood pressure was pretty high for a man that
weighs less than 400 pounds. Okay, it
wasn’t that bad, but it was high for me.
Once we were able to see the neurologists, I had
worked myself into enough of a frenzy that, most likely anything less than a
watermelon sized, stage 4 cancerous tumor with teeth and fingernails of its
own, was going to be a relief. Luckily it was none of those things, but it was
a tumor.
I have a Meningioma.
It is a tumor that grows slowly. They
are almost always benign, they are almost never cancerous, and they are
typically the size of the tip of your pinky finger. They typically are seen in middle aged women,
and are small enough to be treated with radiotherapy/radiosurgery, if at all.
Mine is bigger than a golf ball, and it has to come
out.
So, part of me feels like this is a major life
event. Part of me feels like this is a
huge deal, that might mark a turning point or even falling action in my life,
that should help to finally get me on the path God has for me, or give more, or
serve more, or be a better husband, Dad, and friend.
Another part of me feels like it really isn’t that
bad. I have a tumor and they have to cut it out, but all the docs I have talked
to, including one who seems way too excited to crack my skull open, feel like
this is going to be a simple enough surgery that it can be done without any
complications, or too much recovery time. Also, the tumor itself is very close
to the skull, and in a relatively easy place to operate. Because of my age, I am most likely pretty
capable of bouncing back without too much trouble.
As strange as it may seem to most people, I really
feel at peace. The toughest thing my wife and I are currently dealing with, is
which of the three brilliant and talented neurosurgeons, we have seen will have
the pleasure of seeing the actual brain of Andrew Ray Oeth, up close and
personal, and maybe even get to play with it a little bit.
In times like this, God typically helps me take
stock in my friends and family He has placed in my life. The truth is I am all stocked up. I am a rich man, because of my family,
friends, co-workers, and Church members.
I lack nothing at all, and I am at peace. When this thing is all over, I am going to do
my best to take a better inventory of those people, and never take any one of
them for granted, including, my Wife.
Kim is the hardest working, most talented, most
determined, most resourceful, and most intelligent woman I have ever met. There is no other human on the planet that I
would rather walk through this journey, alongside. She has been absolutely incredible.
I ask for your prayer, for your encouragement
(because I am a delicate flower who needs that kind of thing), and for your
understanding in the days to come, if I am unable to fulfill my normal
responsibilities and expectations.
Overall I am ready.
Ready for the best and ready for the worst. I have an assurance through my faith in
Jesus, that if everything here on earth goes wrong, I get to be with my Father
in Heaven. If everything goes right (which it most likely will, chances are
very, very good), I get to live my life knowing that that I have the greatest
group of people around me, who love me, even though they know me.
-AO
